sikkbones

Reading things this hand once wrote makes me wonder how the hell i let myself turn into the person i became... i wear a black cowboy hat for a reason but do i still know that fucking reason? i'm an outlaw who has allowed himself to be tamed, the rage and the anger dulled.. i've accomplished nothing..and now i sit three days to halloween spinning my heels.. it's another year gone by and all those dreams never came to fruition just another one to replace them, and someone how i lost a little part of my soul a little part of who I am.
All grown up now i guess.. too bad i can't see tommorow... when it used to be tommorow was all i had... one knows there are fewer days ahead than behind him at a certian age and i think i have reached mine.... there used to be so much to hope for... now i'm just hoping i can see the boy gradute and become something and then my job is done... i used to be about change and now i see everything i lost was a reluctance to change yet it still fucking tamed me.... of course there's still the chance that i'm going south and i have no problem seeing it thru that way.... maybe it's time to start not caring what people think of me and trying to be  a part of this world. i need to go back to the person and beliefs i was in '99, there was a lot fo anger and hate there but there was also a lot of other emotions and a strong drive to succeed,, and i was wild.


So I save a prayer when I need it most
To the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
And sign it from a sinner with no name
When I meet my maker
Will he close the book on the hearts I broke and the lives I took ?
Will he walk away 'cause my soul's too late to save ?

I cannot fucking deal with this world i have enetered myself into .... the anger i keep fucking fighting and the political bullshit get's worse at this level.. i'm really starting to question the nature of the beast and wonder why the fuck i chose this.... maybe if i go hit some hick landlord and kick his teeth in it will release some stress but honestly would i be better off doing fucking outreach with junkies in toronto? i have no idea what the next step is.. and i am sick of living my fucking life that way.

Violent Minority

A growing problem in society today is the growing number of street kids in large urban centers such as Toronto, London, and Vancouver etc. According to Angel Femia Director of Lovecry in Toronto there are about 15,000 street kids in the downtown core of Toronto alone. Remember not all of these kids are on the street panning (panhandling). Some may be working the alleyways in Regent Park and Boys-town (Wellesley and church area), or some may just be at a safe house hiding from police and social service agencies. Most of these kids have many problems that are unbearable at home such as sexual, psychical and mental abuse. Others are kicked out because they did not live up to their parent's expectations, such as finishing school etc. Many end up on the streets after being in custody of social agencies and once they are a certain age they are cut off from the support of these agencies and left to fend for themselves.
It is important to understand that typical street kids have not gone unnoticed by the institutional systems of rescue and care. Rather most have been through the system, they are known to social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists and police. Some seem as much the children of paid professionals as they are their own parents. (Webber, 180)
Psychical and sexual abuse in group or foster homes occurs more frequently than in the general population. Forty percent of confirmed sexual abuse victims were age six or younger. Recent research estimates 45 percent of female and 10 percent of males are sexually abused before age 17. Among street kids this rate of abuse is significantly higher. 38 percent of male street kids and 73 percent of females had been sexually abused in some way according to an 84 statistic.

In a study done of Victoria street involved youth, it was found that Most street youth have at some time experienced physical or sexual abuse, and most have run away or been kicked out of home, the study found. About half of the youth say they have an addiction problem, and about 25% are involved in the sex trade. Risky behaviors often began at an early age, even before the youth became a teenager. The study shows that troubled youth from smaller centers tend to migrate to the cities, adding to the number of youth on the street in Vancouver and Victoria. In the cities, most street youth live in shelters or abandoned buildings ("squats"). Yet not all street youth are literally homeless, the report states. Suburban and non-urban communities also have sizable populations of youth who are involved in high risk behaviors on the street, but these youth tend to be younger and are more likely to live with parents or guardians at least part of the time. Other key study findings include:
_ Over 1/4 of street youth have attempted suicide in the past year.


_ although most street youth have been expelled or suspended from school at some time, about 2/3 say they are currently attending school.
_ Nearly 2/3 of street youth in Vancouver and 1/3 in Victoria come from other provinces. (www.mcs.bc.ca/march26.htm)
_ Over 1/3 have been in government care, including foster care or group homes, and nearly 1/2 have spent time in a custody center.

Mentally and emotionally disturbed street youth do not have a fair chance to get treatment. Doctors do not have a sound understanding of there problems. Students studying to become shrinks usually specialize in other areas. Schools are not stressing the needs of adolescents. Many of these kids have no idea how to take care of simple things like money matters, basic needs etc. Out on their own it’s easier to fall into a trap of sex, drugs and alcohol. Many kids on the street are addicted to heroin, crack cocaine and alcohol.
Cocaine is a powerfully addictive drug of abuse. Once having tried cocaine, an individual cannot predict or control the extent to which he or she will continue to use the drug.
The major routes of administration of cocaine are sniffing or snorting, injecting, and smoking (including free-base and crack cocaine). Snorting is the process of inhaling cocaine powder through the nose where it is absorbed into the bloodstream through the nasal tissues. Injecting is the act of using a needle to release the drug directly into the bloodstream. Smoking involves inhaling cocaine vapor or smoke into the lungs where absorption into the bloodstream is as rapid as by injection.

"Crack" is the street name given to cocaine that has been processed from cocaine hydrochloride to a free base for smoking. Rather than requiring the more volatile method of processing cocaine-using ether, crack cocaine is processed with ammonia or sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) and water and heated to remove the hydrochloride, thus producing a form of cocaine that can be smoked. The term "crack" refers to the crackling sound heard when the mixture is smoked (heated), presumably from the sodium bicarbonate. There is great risk whether cocaine is ingested by inhalation (snorting), injection, or smoking. It appears that compulsive cocaine use may develop even more rapidly if the substance is smoked rather than snorted. Smoking allows extremely high doses of cocaine to reach the brain very quickly and brings an intense and immediate high. The injecting drug user is at risk for transmitting or acquiring HIV infection/AIDS if needles or other injection equipment are shared. (www.nida.nih.gov/Infofax/cocaine.html)
Heroin is an illegal, highly addictive drug, and is abused more than any other opiate. Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seedpod of certain varieties of poppy plants. It is typically sold as a white or brownish powder or as the black sticky substance known on the streets as "black tar heroin." Although purer heroin is becoming more common, most street heroin is "cut" with other drugs or with substances such as sugar, starch, powdered milk, or quinine. Street heroin can also be cut with strychnine or other poisons. Because heroin abusers do not know the actual strength of the drug or its true contents, they are at risk of overdose or death. Heroin also poses special problems because of the transmission of HIV and other diseases that can occur from sharing needles or other injection equipment. (www.getcured.com/heroin.htm)
Alcoholism, also known as alcohol dependence, is a disease that includes the following four symptoms:

- Craving--A strong need, or urge, to drink.
- Loss of control--Not being able to stop drinking once drinking has begun.
- Physical dependence--Withdrawal symptoms, such as nausea, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety after stopping drinking.
- Tolerance--The need to drink greater amounts of alcohol to get "high."

The expression street kid seems odd since the street expunges all trace of childishness, whether related to age, inclination or immaturity. However street kid captures a concept: young, homeless and trapped. Canadian streets destroy kids! Some are casualties of pimp, trick and dealer violence, most are poisoned by drugs. All of them die a little each day from despair and broken hearts in a community where friends are just dudes... Who haven't hurt you yet?
Life on the streets is a scavenger’s existence, a restless hunt for cash or for anything that can be converted into cash or a bed or a meal or drugs to sustain him or her for the day. (Webber, 210)

Often upon the streets many kids believe the only way out and off of the streets is the grave, but most don't realize this until it is too late. Suicide is quite prevalent among street kids, most street kids know at least one person who has either tried or has committed suicide.
At first it seems easy you can look the way that you want, you can do what you want, and you can have and practice whatever sexual orientation you may be. But the drawbacks are many.
The street offers no privacy, no individual space, and no stability. The only constants are danger, disease, despair and the desperation of life on the edge. Most street kids stay clear of professionals, because they fear they may try to force them to go home or into institutions.
With increasing numbers of kids coming and going first come (old school of the streets) have to fight for their territory (i.e. panning spots, squats etc.). The younger groups keep moving until they can find a place where they can find some semblance of territory. (Webber, 140)
Most street kids have some sort of talent such as musical or artistic skill but usually don’t get the chance to fully utilize it. Most times any thing that you own of any kind of value, leather jacket guitar etc. you will have it stolen from you. Some terms used on the street include TWINKIES: Kids who squeegee for kicks during the summer and then go home when the weather gets cold.
THE BEATS: Getting beat up. HEAT SCORES: The small minority of squeegee kids who get wrecked and cause trouble for the rest. PUNKED-OFF: Usually gang related, it's when you get kicked out of a street territory and are not allowed to return

Each street kid is an original with individual persona, miseries, memories, and dreams. Most street kids share certain traits, such as: betrayal, Cocky on the outside but inside rock bottom self esteem, mistrust of almost everyone feelings of guilt etc.
Where can these people go when they want to leave the streets? They need rent geared to income housing for youth all over Canada. They cannot afford rents and therefore have to stay on the streets to supplement their income.
One of the most significant barriers to getting off of the streets is the fact that most social services agencies will not issue a welfare cherub unless someone has a permanent address. For many street kids who pan just enough to eat, saving enough coin for first and last on an apartment is impossible.
Street kids tend to fall back into familiar behaviors. One step forward sometimes precedes two steps back, (Webber, 160)
I know from personal experience I have watched friends and clients get a place of their own and lose everything in it due to theft, addictions or personal crises, I could give you a million examples of this from street kids I know and from case files.

Most of these street kids have a low life expectancy. My friend Junior (or Shawn Keegan) was killed in 96 when the guy that had been killing the gay prostitutes in the Wesley area shot him. He had HIV but he was only 18 years old. Most of these kids Depending on their age do not believe they will make it to age 18, 19, or 21 and once they reach these ages feel as if they are dinosaurs of the streets. Remember most street kids are 12 or 13 when they hit the streets for the first time, looking to run away from their problems, most kids have the street mentality that they are nothing and will never be anything. It takes a lot to change these kids way of thinking to let them know that they are not what they have been told all of there lives.
Even though at the heart of it all these kids really want is their own place, a home to call their own, their own family and someone to unconditionally care about them, but familiar patterns set it in and the lure of the streets is easy to succumb to. Most kids will be transient and go home or get there own apartment but sustaining it with the street being an easier alternative is a trap many of these kids fall into.
That's how easy it is to fall into the trap of the streets and why so many kids keep returning to the streets after getting off. It only takes one thing for a street kid to give up and go back to a place where other than constant survival no one expects anything from you. You can be a failure cause no one cares.
THE streets are not to be glorified by any means, if you are having problems of any type at home tell some one and if they don't listen tell someone else. The streets are not something you want to become a part of because the abuse out on the streets stays with you forever.
I just wish more members of the establishment would take some time to care about the street kids and maybe quit telling them that we are nothing when we ask for spare change Its the way that they survive. Maybe if this world was perfect and parents never abused their kids and every kid had parents you wouldn't see so many of them on the streets.




Works Cited:
Michuad, M (1988)Dead End: Homeless Teenagers a Multi-service
Approach
Detselig Enterprises, Calgary, Alberta

Webber, M (1991) Street Kids: The Tragedy of Canadas Runaways
University of Toronto press, Toronto Buffalo London

 

WHY I WANT TO BE A CHILD YOUTH WORKER (and a children's social
worker)
---------------------------------------------------------------

I want to be a child and youth worker for a variety of reasons, Some
of which include: my life experiences, my personality, and the need
I have to help others. Before I tell you my motivation for this
career I think that it is appropriate that I tell you a little of my
history.

From the ages of 8 to about 16 I was under C.A.S care, The majority
of that time a crown ward. Because of problems at home I.E. abuse
poverty etc. I was placed into custody. I was shuttled to 2 group
homes over a period of 8 years. The first one was a catholic run
group home that felt like a prison. Its out of business now.(wonder
why?) It was a very terrifying place for a young child to be. Most
of the rooms were equipped with 2 way mirrors to monitor everything
taking place.

As well we had only limited opportunities to interact with the
community, and we were always kept on a short leash. School was in a
catholic high school, and you had to fight with the home to even be
intergrated into one real classroom. It was a very strict place to
be. You had to dress and act a certain way and if you did not you
would be punished. Sounds easy right? Remember this is a group home
full of 8 to 13 year olds who had been sexually, physically, and
emotionally beaten. As well most of these kids had severe
psychological and behavioral problems. The punishment was usually
isolation in a room with nothing in it. You would be allowed to eat
your meal in there and you would have to stay in there until it was
bedtime. You couldn't fall asleep there because their was a staff
member watching you at all times.

Sounds prehistoric and cruel doesn't it? This is only ten years ago.
It is one of the reasons I want to go into C.Y.S. I don't want to
see kids treated like criminals just because they live in a group
home. I think that also if I had been shown some care and felt that
someone actually cared about me there I wouldn't have felt like just
another paycheck for the group home. Many of the kids I lived with
there felt the same way.

The isolation retards your social skills considerably, I hadn't even
talked to anyone outside of Sacred Heart for over the 5 years I had
lived there, except for my C.A.S. worker at the time. Not good for
coping with life.

I was then moved to Hayden Youth services in Oshawa. I thought that
it may have been an improvement over S.H. but it had problems all
its own. I was dealing at age 13 with a majority of older peers who
had not been so isolated from an early age. Again I had very little
interaction with the outside world. Anyone that tells you that there
is no abuse by other kids in a group home is a liar. I witnessed a
lot of sexual and psychical abuse in this group home that could have
been stopped if the staff at the time had been supervising. (Funny I
went from a place where I was watched 24-7 to a place wear abuse was
rampant because as long as the staff knew that u were in the home
they really didn't care what you did).

This group home had a part time shrink on their board who was also
some kind of employee at the time of Whitby psychiatric hospital. I
guess he had a quota because he tried to have 5 of the kids I was
living with transferred to Whitby in one year. Sometimes he was
able to convince their workers that they were not mentally stable or
mentally able to deal with the world. I couldn't understand why this
was because some of those kids were my friends and knew as much of
the world as I did, sometimes they even knew more than I did. I
realized that the shrink had an ulterior motive when he misdiagnosed
my learning disability as paranoid schizophrenia. I have been to
many shrinks since and none of them has been able to tell me
something to confirm that diagnosis.

But his signature saying I was a raving lunatic was almost enough to
have me placed in a psychiatric hospital. My worker didn't bite
however. She didn't believe that I was that troubled. She was right.

These are a few more reasons why I want to become a child and youth
worker, 1st I would like to see in the home style residences like
Hayden perhaps a bit more interaction between staff and kids, not
the staff acting like a highly paid baby-sitter. That is the way I
believe I would act towards the kids. It might help the kids to know
that they have friends in the staff such as me that actually do care
about them and don't treat them like just a paycheck they might open
up and say something if they are being abused by other residents OF
the group home.

As well I truly believe if there is an interactionalist approach
towards these kids and they become close with the staff, The staff
can figure out what might be wrong with some of these kids.
Misdiagnoses by doctors about a grouphome kids mental state would
probably decrease if staff were more involved with the
kids.

Remember most of
these kids have little or no family that cares about them and have
been abused both psychically and sexually.

The worst crime committed by Group homes is the practice of turning
them loose after they turn 16 or 18 depending on the C.A.S.
wardship. Many of these kids have no place to go and usually end up
on the streets. I was placed in a school for phycologicly
problematic teens around the spring before my 16th birthday. It was
one of the worst experiences of my life. Many of my peers here were
suicidal and manic depressive and had already lived on the streets
or had been in jail or major psychiatric institutions. Only a few of
us even lived at home.

I had been living with my mom at the time and had started to date in
my social circle, which was the girls at school. The first one I
dated I was deeply in love with and she had been sexually abused and
was now abusing herself by cutting (scaring oneself with
razorblades) and doing drugs and booze. No one seemed to care about
her except me. I felt like I was the only person in the school that
was helping her cope with life.
I eventually started getting depressed over my own problems and
began cutting and delving deeper into drugs and booze.

Here again I would notice that someone was having problems and try
to discuss it with them instead of having an apathetic view like the
staff did their. They thought that if they want to destroy
themselves on their time let them do it. I can't tell you how many
times I tried to overdose while out on the weekly afternoon bowling
games. Many times I would just swallow a bunch of ritalin and no one
would notice. A good child youth worker has to notice something like
that or else they are not doing their job right.

Many staff abuse the kids as well and nothing is said because it is
kept and disciplined inside of the institution. One of my ex-
girlfriends was raped by a male staff member while living at a
grouphome in Hamilton. Nothing was ever done except until I came to
see her one day and she told me and I threatened to rip his head off
(Thats putting what I wanted to do nicely). The view that it can be
dealt with inside the institution is bullshit, If another staff
member knows about abuse they should report it immediately to both
the institutions heads and the police.

The C.A.S. should not just let these kids out on the streets to fend
for their own. Many of the kids I have lived with or went to school
with are on the streets, dead, or working as prostitutes. most of my
street friends had at one time or another been in some form of
children's aid. Remember these are people who have already been
abused by someone and they go to the streets and are abused more.
Many of these so-called agencies are just breeding grounds for pimps
and dealers.

The problem is many of the workers in these street outreach programs
are volunteers and very little experience and are told what to do by
higher ups. A place like the evergreen in Toronto is run by a church
and hires mostly former streetkids as volunteer workers. That in
itself is not a problem but it doesn't ask for the skills required
so many of these volunteers work for pimps and dealers to locate new
blood to work the streets.

As the C.A.S. has no jurisdiction here it is imperative that things
in these outreach programs be changed, I would want to work in an
environment like this only if I knew that my coworkers were not
their to exploit the kids. If I caught someone trying to exploit the
strretkids I would immediately report them to the police.

If I could just get through to a kid once and make him realize that
he isn't just something on this earth worth nothing and make him
know that he can achieve something with his life that would be my
ultimate goal as a C.Y.S. worker.

That in a nutshell is why I want to become a child and youth worker.


From The Inside:CYW II

The worker comes to the place you have always called home
and tells you that you have a new place to live. The Children's Aid
Society has decided for whatever reasons, one's because of your age
you may not understand that you cannot live with your parents
anymore and you have to be taken into custody for the time being.
This is every mother and child's nightmare and all too often harsh
reality. Many children are either temporary or crown wards of the
various Children's Aid societies in Canada. I grew up in the system,
as did many friends of mine and we are still searching for answers.
Maybe in this paper I can answer some of them.

Youth are in crisis at the point of admission to any residential
environment. They need help managing this experience and integrating
into unfamiliar environments. How children are integrated into a
residential setting will influence how they cope within that
program(Voices,). Many workers that I had just moved me because of
my young age. I have been a part of the system since 1984 when it
was decided by my biological father that I was too uncontrollable to
stay at home. Meanwhile this man is a convicted pedophile that had
been abusing me and my sisters for years, myself physically and
mentally, my sisters sexually. But I was the problem wasn't I?

When I entered the system I was scared to death the first place I
lived was Sacred Heart child and family services, a catholic group
home in scarborough operated by nuns. I was put into a catholic
public school against my will, forced to cut my long hair and dress
in clothes that were hand me downs from the group homes because my
clothing was deemed unacceptable by the school. Many times if I
wore what I wanted I was grounded or put into holding (behavioral
controls).
Knowledge of rights varies widely in the system, most youth
know some of their rights and are able to identify what they are.
Some youth are not aware of their rights any many learn within the
system. I did not know at the time that I had a right to my own
religion which at the time was Protestant. I was forced to become a
good little catholic, didn't work too well. I think this is one of
the main reasons I was at one time in my life a Satanist and the
reason I now practice wicca. I was ignorant of a great many of my
rights. When I started to learn my rights I was made to feel that
they were privileges more than my rights. One of my favorite sayings
as a child was "I'm a group home kid, I ain't got no right's." I
was put into holding more than was necessary, and many basic needs
were ignored.

Effective safeguards against abusive behaviors are lacking, because
many are afraid to report abuses for fear of reprisals, the
ineffectiveness of existing safe guards continues unadressed.
(Voices, 13) Twice while I was at sacred heart and once at Haydon
youth services I had unfortunate accidents in a holding setting. I
have had my arm broken twice in 2 separate incidents and my head
busted open once by child care workers. Many ways that children
retaliate to abuse are retaliating, hurting themselves, running
away or doing nothing .(Voices, 15)I was so afraid of the staff that
I thought if I said something I'd just get my ass kicked again so I
kept quite when I went to see the doctor or my worker.

It wasn't all psychical abuse either. I was made to feel
like nothing by the staff . verbal abuse was quite common by the
staff at both group homes and the schools I attended. "I was stupid,
why couldn't I just behave?" Many of these I was told. I started
running away and living on the streets at twelve when I was moved
from Sacred Heart to Haydon house in Oshawa. It only got worse there.

Behavioral controls were applied anytime I would talk back or do
something I wasn't supposed to. The time my skull got busted open I
was caught smoking in my room and I was put into a holding position
in where my head was facing the worker and he had his body on my
legs, one hand on my arms holding them crossed, and one hand on my
head. When I tried to bite he slammed my head against the paved
floor hard. This should have been unacceptable. Behavioral controls
need to be applied judiciously and only in unsafe situations, after
all other forms of de-escalation have been attempted.(voices,17) I
think that destroying my cigarettes would have appropriate
punishment.

Things needed in a healthy relationship with caregivers are mutual
trust, consistent caring, unconditional acceptance, communication
and interaction, commitment, few or pre-planned seperations,
promotion of self esteem, absence of trauma and protection.(voices,
33) Sadly many of these things are not present even in the system
today. Residential programs, depend on building relationships with
children and youth in there care. Youth conditioned to protect
themselves from loss and rejection pose a serious challenge to the
ability of youth workers to effectively engage them. Youth may
resist or sabotage efforts at relationship building. Many will re-
enact past rejections by caregivers as a self fulfilling prophecy.
(Voices,34)

Many youth describe multiple placements in the children's service
sector.(voices,34) I can attest to this as I went to two group
homes and one residential school in Hamilton before I was 16 and
struck out on my own. I think this is why I live a nomadic lifestyle
today and I don't care where I go because I've never put down roots
anywhere. I lived in so many cities that it doesn't matter, as long
as I have a roof over my head. Many kids get lost in the system as
they pass through jurisdictions and may have one or more workers
that handle their case. Sometimes in this instance you will have a
child referred to a place that is not appropriate to their
situation. In example, I was referred first to a group home run by
my psychiatrist after Sacred Heart, small conflict of interest there
you would think especially after the fact that he dealt with my
pedophile father and manic depressive step-mother. He said that my
mother was unfit, tied us up in court for years.
After Haydon I was again referred to a place that I could live with
my mom, but I had to go to this special school called Cornerstone.
Its a school for adolescents with psychiatric and extreme emotional
problems. I don't think that I have ever fit either category. Of my
friends from school at Cornerstone, only one is in college, one is a
whore that works the street, 3 have had children of there own, one
had a child and had it taken away by Hamilton's children's aid, a
few are living on the street, and at least one is dead. 2 OF a class
of 25, pretty good odds you would think. Definitely a case of wrong
referral, I think that going to that school and Haydon's isolated
classes contribute to the fact that I never got my high school
diploma, as all you have to do in these classes is behave and not be
out of control. It doesn't matter if you listen to the radio, draw
pictures, pass notes to your friends etc. The emphasis is to behave

The Child and Youth Advocate of Toronto has suggested a few
recommendations that could possibly improve the system they are as
follows,
care system journey
recommendations:
acknowledging the impact of multiple placements and the need for
stable and consistent care givers, the children's service sector
must make stability for children in care the priority.
i. the government should develop a computerized tracking system to
monitor movement of youth across all residential service sectors. A
computerized tracking system will, reduce the movement young people
in care, enhance safe guards, help to determine the efficacy of
existing programs and reinforce accountability.
ii. Establish a threshold indicator at which a child's movement
will be reviewed. This indicator must begin tracking at the point of
service activation.(Voices.44)
iii. ensure that the first out of home intervention is decisive,
and is of sufficient intensity to meet identified needs of child and
family.
iv. the treatment plan for an out of home intervention is
derived from a comprehensive need and risk assessment that is
holistic and accountable to the child's community.
v. the children's service sector and ministries providing
service to children to children must develop clear guidelines for
supportive admission processes to any residential setting and
recognize that an admission is a crisis to the child.
vi. a single case manager should be assigned to follow each
child from point of entry into the system to discharge, regardless
of the program, service sector or ministry involved.
vii. child welfare agencies must honor their obligation to
investigate allegations of excessive force in the management use of
force in the management of children under the age of 16 in Ontario's
care system.
viii. the Ministry of Community and Social Services must take the
lead in the development of new methods for the restraint of children
and conduct research to determine which youth are amenable to
certain psychical restraint methods. Any form of physical restraint
needs to be viewed as a serious occurrence with all implications
this entails.
ix. a clear standardized definition of isolation needs to be
developed. The administration of this intrusive measure needs to be
regulated across service sectors.
x. the Ministry of Community and Social Services should
conduct research to determine the psychological impact of isolation
on children to determine what is appropriate.
xi. Training and supervision in de-escalation strategies must be
provided to all front line staff. Intrusive measures should be used
only in response to verified security needs and therapeutic purposes.
(Voices,46)
xii. all ministries serving children should improve the culture
experienced in care by reducing harsh and disrespectful treatment
and reinforcing the establishment of meaningful relationships.
xiii. transitional age youth should be eligible for child welfare
care. (voices,47) I feel that this last one is a major need because
if you are a crown ward until you are 16/18 depending on
jurisdiction most times you are cut loose without knowing most of
the support systems in place.

While I have not addressed all of the recommendations or everything
that goes on in this system I believe I have focused on some of the
extreme factors in the field and the steps that could, should and
are being done in the field. I believe that the book I have taken
many of my notes from is a valuable addition to any child youth
workers library, as well I believe that it should be part of any
training class

written almost 5 years agoa he's now 5 1/2 will explain some comments in blog however.

The greatest personal challenge in my life is the one I am currently going through.
Late last summer my former estranged girlfriend informed me I had a 7 month old son, I would not meet my son until he was 10 months old. I have not seen my son in 3 months.
I miss him terribly. Everything I have done in my life was to be a better father and improve my life so that my kids wouldn’t have to grow up the way that I did. Now I don’t know if I will ever even get the chance to be a father to my child.

I have tried to be my son’s father but the relationship with his mother is volatile at best and she has not allowed me to see the boy since Xmas. I am unsure as to her motives, and as a result we are now in court proceedings. Somewhere I never wanted to be with my child. I am trying to have the higher ground as mudslinging and names are called. I am being accused of some heavy things that I know in my heart I have not done.

This woman has bullied me and taken from me for the last 5 years that I have known her.
I guess that it is no surprise that she is now using custody battle against me because I refused to move to ST. Catherines to be with her as I still had university to consider.

I am at a crossroads in my life as I do not know what the next door will open or what door will close. I am having trouble sleeping and eating, and all the old comforts seem meaningless. My university education is suffering from the fact that I have missed classes due to court and I have no idea where my life will take me next.

I love my son dearly and I will fight to do what’s best for him even if it means sacrificing some of my own dreams because of it. I refuse to be forced into a situation beyond my control by a woman I once loved.

I have not had the easiest of lives and I blame that partially on a custody battle when I was a child. I see that the downward spiral that became my life for many years was a result of the original custody battle between my parents. Now I am almost 30 and history repeats itself. I didn’t wish for this to happen but it has.

All I want to do is be a good father to my son and show him the world in ways in which I never even thought existed. But I am being denied that.

Real American Hero?



Two enemies, two different versions of a hero, a crisis in the homeland precipitate war in which both must act. Since 9/11/01 the world has had new heroes created by the American war machine, one is their wartime president George Bush jr. and the other is the everyday soldier who is dying everyday over in Iraq. Which of these men deserves to be called a hero? The soldier dodging bullets in Iraq or the American politician sending them over to fight his war? Both American heroes but why…
Since 9/11 the world has been a very different place, Al Qaeda terrorists took over several planes and attacked the world trade center and the pentagon and managed to demolish the WTC and kill over 3000 people. While no one would question the retaliation against Usama bin laden and the Taliban in Afghanistan as they had perpetuated a war crime against America George Bush jr. would not be successful in finding the leader of the terrorist cell Usama Bin Laden. Bush would later attack Saddam Hussein saying that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq that threatened the American population. Iraq may have supported Al Qaeda but the main reason that bush attacked Iraq was in my opinion unfinished business from his father’s reign as president. Iraq is a country smaller than Texas what possible threat to America could Saddam have?
Bush has created a very god enemy to fight in his own words calling his war the war on terrorism, if there is no country to attack then you can attack any country saying that is harboring terrorists. “Any sign of weakness or retreat simply validates terrorist violence and invites more violence for all nations” (War on terror, Toronto sun). Theoretically any country that the American government deems a threat can now be attacked by the American war machine. The war with Iraq has revealed little in the way of weapons of mass destruction and has done little to prevent terrorism as American soldiers are attacked everyday and die every day in Iraq.

George Bush jr. was elected in 2000 in an election that many considered a tainted victory because of the Florida recall, less than one year later his presidency and his country would be threatened by the biggest act of peacetime terrorism since Pearl Harbor. He would act swiftly in dealing with the terrorist threat. After victory was declared in Afghanistan and a new Afghanistan government was set up, President Bush would go to the United Nations asking for support to attack Iraq because he had intelligence reports saying that Saddam Hussein’s regime had weapons of mass destruction and were supportive of Al Qaeda cells.
The U.N. and many countries refused to support or endorsed Bush’s actions against Iraq including Russia, Canada, and France. He would attack Iraq after giving a 48 hour ultimatum for Saddam to surrender to American authorities in the gulf. Iraq would be bombed and ultimately Saddam would be ousted from power by the American military. First Saddam’s sons were killed fighting the American soldiers and then Saddam himself would be captured hiding in a hole in the outskirts of Iraq. President Bush would declare victory over Iraq after Saddam was removed from government power. One year later there are still American troops in Baghdad and the rest of Iraq and the country is still occupied by American military rule. Terrorism will never be eradicated in the world and the Presidents reason’s for attacking Iraq are now being questioned by many American critics of the Bush regime. “There aren’t any good target’s in Afghanistan and there are lots of good targets in Iraq” (Iraq a target, Toronto sun). The media has reported the president had an agenda about Iraq before the attacks on 9/11.

American soldiers are being attacked in Iraq almost everyday and not a week goes by where at least one American soldier isn’t killed in Iraq. these soldiers are normal enlisted men who joined the united states army to serve their country and defend it from harm, many of these men are reservists called up to active duty in a manner that has not been seen since the 70’s and the era of the Vietnam war. Many of these soldier’s are members of the National Guard and have little experience with actual combat. These men dodge bullets and suicide bombers everyday. Long after the president declared they are still at war with the militant members of Iraq’s population. These soldier’s are sent to Iraq to help restore a peaceful regime to Iraq, but members of terrorist cells threaten them everyday. These are the men and women that got their hands dirty fighting a ground war against Iraq while the president sat in the white house directing the attack with his generals. These are the men that the president sent to fight and some to die over in Afghanistan and in Iraq. Saddam Hussein has American soldier’s blood on his hands but so have President Bush and his military advisors. When history is written President Bush, Usama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein will be remembered for their roles in the war and because America is currently seen as the world leader President Bush will most likely be remember as a hero. He took a country under attack and defended it with military power to end several oppressive regimes and to remove several terrorist threats to his country.

What of the average unknown soldier, the ones dying to make this world a safer place? Are they the true heroes of this war on terrorism, George bush jr. has yet to attend on serviceman killed in Iraq funeral services why is that? Is he too busy debating military strategy with his advisors?
These men are soldiers, many of which will never be remembered by more than a handle of family and friends for their service to this country. If they should die in Iraq or another far away place fighting this war on terrorism do they get more than their fifteen minutes of fame in an American newspaper and television news report? Who remembers them? War is hell, anyone who has actually seen combat can tell you that, the movies and televisions shows on TV can not match the actual violence when you are a soldier with a gun fighting for your country and a man with a gun fighting For his country, his beliefs, or what he perceives to be freedom is shooting at you and trying to kill you. These Iraqi people are fighting a war of what perceive to be a war of occupation by American forces, and the average American solider is over to do his duty and to fulfill his job obligations.
Both are only doing what they have been told to believe by their superiors. The American soldier is immortalized as hero in literature and movies because the Americans have always had an impact in every war they have fought even the ones they have lost i.e. Vietnam.
These men are called to duty and have many issues to deal with. They face death square in the face everyday in Iraq and have to deal with orders they may not necessarily agree with but comply with because they are soldiers and they have sworn an oath the flag. They have issues at home with their families because they are so far away in an area from their families, payroll issues because the system has been unable to cope with widespread call ups to extended periods of active duty and deployment to places in which personnel qualify for a variety of special pay and allowances, particularly in combat zones (Herbert R). These men are fighting a war that the rest of the world does not agree with. They are American soldier’s doing their duty, if they are lucky enough to go home and have a peaceful life with their families and have the country in which they love not be threatened by terrorism again these men will be somewhat at peace with the wartime experience.
To have problems being paid by the American government, and have the Iraqi peoples constantly attacking American soldiers is a lot for the young men and women to worry about. The country is asking for extraordinary – in some cases, supreme- sacrifices from the military, and then failing to meet its own responsibility to provide such basic necessities such as pay and health care (Herbert, r.). If this war on terrorism is indeed a war and a duty of every American and indeed every free citizen in the world shouldn’t the government make good on payroll and health care? You send a young man to war and then relegate his name to a file; he’s an American serviceman, one of many. These are the men that fight our wars in the name of freedom. These are the men of legend. The average man who are the war movies are based on. They may be for the most part nameless soldiers remembered by a few back home but they are the true hero’s of this war on terrorism.

Bush may be remembered as a great leader and the names of our American soldiers will fade into the sands of time. But who is the greater hero? Both have there qualities, both have done there duty to serve their country in a time of war. Both will be remembered for a single war on terrorism but for different reasons. The man dying in the streets of Iraq is the greater hero for being in the combat zone and possibly dying just doing his duty while the politician sits in his white house and makes decisions based on his military advisors. The President is in no real danger of dying from an Iraqi freedom fighter’s bullet or an Al Qaeda terrorist attack. The American soldier faces that very real possibility everyday.


Work’s cited:
Herbert R. Slow military pay stings. (2004, march 16) Detroit Free Press
p. 7a
War on terror a duty. (2004, March 20) The Toronto Sun
p.31
Iraq a target since 9/11? (2004, March 20) The Toronto Sun
p.31

Man in the Box

Looking in the mirror, I know that I can do anything I put my mind’s eye to. I am a very stubborn person, when I set goals I have the patience to achieve them no matter what the cost. I have proven myself that when I attaempt a goal I get it done. It may take me a little while longer than most people because of my learning disabilities but I have learned to adapt. I have dealt with a lot harder things in my life than dealing with attending university I know this. I spent most of my childhood in the children’s aid system, and not in foster care. because of behavioral difficulties I was placed in group homes. I had an abusive biological father who I will never ever call dad. I spent most of my formative years in substandard segregated school situations. I feel that the reason I dropped out in the one year of normal high school was because I was not able to handle the pressures of being normal. In both care and when I left care there was so much stuff happening in my life that school was just another pressure that I could not handle.

I have never used my learning disabilities as a crutch like I have seen some people do. I succeed in spite of them, but sometimes it’s hard. I still have trouble reading and my writing skills have improved and I fancy myself a poet or a writer as I know from friends and family that I have the talent to do something with my writing skills. Appartley I have a way with words. I have severe problems with math and structuring concepts. I think a lot of it has to do with my upbringing and that I did not get much formal education within the system, I was passed thru grades so that I would be the same age as everyone else when I left the system. I think that did more damage than good. I do not belive my actual learning disabilities were diagnosed until 1997 when I returned to fanshawe college for two years of upgrading. School is a struggle for me I will not deny that. I struggle with deadlines and knowing everything in my classes.

Sometimes I feel I am not as smart as the other classmates because I have trouble grasping certain concepts and ideas. I get very angry with myself over simple things I should understand. I have completed college with a child and youth worker degree, I have survived the streets of Toronto with my sanity, why am I having so much trouble with university. Have I reached my academic peak? This question weighs heavily on my mind.

When working on even simple things like this scholarship application or studying I tend to get huge headaches because of using big words or reading them. I usually use coping strategies like doing something different for a while like studying or drawing to distract my mind till the headache goes away.
My reading disabilities annoy me the most because I like reading but sometimes it is very hard for me to read for extended periods. I feel no one else understands the things I see because it’s so hard for to explain my problems academicly. I have gotten help at the college level and the university level with some of my disabilities but I am a very independent person I do not want assistance in doing something I can do by myself.

I often feel like a man in a box and there is no way out. My learning disabilities feel like a prison and there is no way out. i have things I want to say and it’s very hard to express them because sometimes they come out wrong or I talk too much. Sometimes I think it would be much easier to quit school and get a job and quit persueing my goals, but that would be admitting I’m a failure but unlike my biological father I am not a failure. I am still an angry young man with goals to persue and dreams to achieve. I am a person that goes back to people I knew as a child and shows them that they were wrong. I have so much left to do in this world and so much left to learn. It’s funny because of all the things I have done in my life, learning seems to be the biggest struggle. Some classes and exams seem like brick walls that I cannot run away from. I know in my heart if I failed at least I have done my best.

Burnin' Out with….
Neil Young!




There’s a warning sign on the road ahead… or is it behind us now, in any case the name on the sign reads: Neil Young. Neil is a 60’s hippie, a 1970’s classic rock icon, something altogether different for most of the 1980’s and a rock legend who would return to his legendary form come the mid-1990’s. To know Neil Young at his best is to know Neil Young at his commercial worst. The albums he recorded that are among his best he feels creatively but commercially and critically looked over. “Transformer man is a song for his kid. If you read the words and look at Ben Young in his wheelchair, the whole song is about him. The thing is it’s about communication, but it’s not getting through. And that’s what Neil’s son is” (Mcdonough, 558). Neil’s first album on Geffen records after moving from RCA/Reprise records would be the first of several weird and somewhat out of perceived character for the performer.
Then again, it makes perfect sense for the man to experiment with new and different styles and sounds of music. In the 1970’s he would include the lyric “The king is gone but he’s not forgotten, Is this the story of Johnny Rotten?” in on of his songs forever referencing Elvis’s recent death and the sex pistols in two lines. New wave and new sounds would arrive in the early 1980’s and so would Neil’s second son Ben. Ben Young, born with cerebral palsy is completely Non-oral. Neil would record Trans in the hope that somehow through a new form of music he could communicate with Ben, and Ben would later be able to communicate with him through electronic sounds. "It affected everything. Everything. Even the recording process - the only time I could record was between two and six in the afternoon. I used to record only in the middle of the night. Now I couldn't, because I was doing the program." Re*ac*tor bombed, and Young took his frustrations out on Warner/Reprise, stomping off the label for a six-year association with Geffen. It was on Geffen that Young began to lose himself in characters, first with Trans, in 1982. Replete with synthesizers and vocodered vocals, it wasn't exactly "Heart of Gold." "Trans was about all these robot-humanoid people working in this hospital and the one thing they were trying to do was teach this little baby to push a button. That's what the record's about. Read the lyrics, listen to all the mechanical voices, disregard everything but that computerized thing, and its clear Trans is the beginning of my search for communication with a severely handicapped nonoral person.
'Transformer Man’ is a song for my kid. If you read the words to that song - and look at my child with his little button and his train set and his transformer - the whole thing is for Ben. "People completely misunderstood Trans. They put me down for fuckin' around with things I shouldn't have been involved with. Well, fuck them. But it hurt, because this was for my kid." But how could anybody have known what it was about, I argue. The whole thing was so obscure. "It was very obscure," says Young. "They didn't have a fuckin' chance in the world. The whole thing is, Trans is about communication, but it's not getting through. And that's what my son is. You got to realize - you can't understand the words on Trans, and I can't understand my son's words. So feel that (Mcdonough,Village Voice).
Trans was recorded with a Vocoder and a Synclavier for most of the vocal material, giving Neil’s voice an alien feel and sound. Then again Neil’s Canadian, so his voice has probably always sounded alien to the American record buying public anyhow. Especially in the south, Sweet Home Alabama anyone?
You tell me any other established artist that chose to do anything new or different in the 80’s.No one was using a vocoder yet, and that’s what artists do, they go out and plow new ground, yet in rock and roll, it’s too a point where all the fans are so jaded that nothing seems new. It’s very hard to find that new ground (McDonough, 557). With Trans, Neil would go out on tour and have problems translating the album’s material live. Despite the catastrophe around him in both his personal and professional life, Neil new wave hair, wraparound shades, headset microphone, black shirts and skinny tiewould give his all out best on tour for Trans.
Transformer Man live was a surreal event with young acting out the song on stage. His actions were probably the only thing unpredictable about the entire tour. The Trans material was heavily preprogrammed and hard to reproduce there was not much room for introprovisation. This tour would be Neil’s least spontaneous tour ever. The best result of the Trans tour to be hoped for was a photocopy of the album (Mcdonough, 563). For an album dedicated mostly to his son; Transformer Man stands out as truly a love song from father to child, if you have the patience to take the time to analyze the lyrics to it in depth.
Neil would finish the tour for Trans and take some time off before returning to the studio. His next project would be an album called Old Ways. Sadly this album would not be released in original form. Geffen, Neil’s record company wanted a more rock and roll record. . He felt it was a strong, commercial work, part of a series that included After the Gold Rush and Comes A Time. Geffen felt differently. They rejected it. "They said it scared them," says Young. "They wanted more rock and roll. Okay, fine. I'll give ya some rock and roll. I almost vindictively gave them “Everybody's Rockin'." He greased back his hair, put on shades, and went out on the road with a '50s-styled band called the Shocking Pinks. "I got way into that guy," says Young. "I was that guy for months. He was out there. It was a movie to me. Nobody saw it but me, but who gives a shit"(Mcdonough,Village Voice). Recorded in two hours “Everybody's Rockni'." was a straight ahead 50’s rockabilly, old style rock and roll record. The only lasting memory anyone has of “Everybody's Rockin'" is the video “Wonderin” and Neil young driving around and singing in his pink Cadillac. The album itself was a commercial failure and Neil has admitted on more than one occasion that the material was an artistic fuck you to the label for not releasing the old ways album.
It had not been a groovy couple of years for Neil Young, Trans had tanked, several disastrous tours, his Old Ways album rejected and “Everybody's Rockin" was another commercial flop. Young had even been prevented from recording, but none of this prepared him for what happened next as his record label would sue him (Mcdonough, 579). Geffen, Neil’s record label felt that Neil was intentionally producing substandard material. The situation with Neil’s son was not known to many even within Neil’s inner circle. Young responded by counter-suing. The case never went to court but the next year and a half things were not good between Neil and his label (Mcdonough, 581). After the lawsuit, Neil would again try to record country tinged music believing that this direction would be more commercially viable than his last few albums. Once Young had committed himself, he went on the whole hog, Neil and his band, the International Harvesters went on the road. Playing state fairs with authentic country opening acts such as David Allen Coe and Waylon Jennings (Mcdonough, 586). During this phase of Neil’s career he would be very outspoken about his political views, supporting Reagan, the welfare system and the threat of aids. While Neil has always had politically charged songs like “Ohio” and “Rocking in the Free World”, this would be the first time he would actually speak his views to the public instead of through song. Neil’s songs have been used in films as recently as Fahrenheit 9/11, but Neil has never licensed any of his songs for commercial use to sell a product. Its obvious Neil does not back away from his political ideals or beliefs nor does he sell them to the highest bidder.
In 1985, a compromise was reached with Geffen records in which Neil would accept 1.5 million dollars instead of 3 million dollars for the records left on his contract. Neil would be allowed to re-record Old Ways and then as promised record a real rock album for the label (McDonough, 593). In 1987 Neil would further compromise with Geffen records to get out of the remainder of his contract, allowing Geffen to release a No-hits album of his material entitled Lucky Thirteen. He would not be able to collect royalties from the album as part of the deal.
Returning to Reprise records, where he had recorded most of his classic albums from the seventies, Neil would continue his exploration into musical genres he would try and make his own. This time it would be rhythm and blues, complete with horns. Black shades, fedora, a ratty old black sports jacket and a bad attitude, Neil would come off looking like the satanic half brother of the Blues Brothers. Released in 1988, This Note's for You would be a similar record to Everybody's Rockin' but with better sound and more slick production.
Only one song would make it to video however, The tile track “This Note's for You.” Blasting other artists and companies for crass commercialization, the song would be somewhat hailed as a return to form for Neil. Corporate sponsorship was rampant in rock and roll in the 80’s, the Stones, Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood had been used to sell products. Michael Jackson had signed a sponsorship deal with Pepsi for 15 million dollars. To the dismay of MTV and some of Neil’s peers, Neil decided he would poke fun at this excess of the 1980’s (Mcdonough, 618). MTV would refuse to air the video initially because of supposed references to brand names. In retrospect it seems to be obvious that because Neil was going after there bread and butter in the holy grail of 80’s superstars Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson and Madonna was more than likely the real reason this video was not put into rotation. In an ironic twist “This Note's for You.” Would win MTV’s video of the year even though it hardly ever been played (McDonough, 618). MTV and much music, with the exception of the video for "Rockin' in the Free World" have been a non entity for most if not all of Neil’s career.
After “This Note” Neil would join up once again with Crosby, Stills and Nash who he had recorded with in the late 60’s. the less said about the Musical dung heap that is “American Dream” the better, but it was an example of Neil sticking to his word. Young had promised to record with CSN if Crosby got straight and Neil would make good on that offer (McDonough, 625).

“Freedom” would be released in October 1989 and would be Neil’s comeback record. But had Neil really gone anywhere? If one looks at Neil’s output in the eighties it’s somewhat obvious that Neil never really went away. Experimenting with different styles and sounds, Neil was doing what a true artist should be doing. Neil was making new and experimental paintings with his music instead of relying on what worked for him in the 1970’s. by commercially burning out instead of fading away with these albums, like many of his seventies contemparies had done by releasing the same album over and over again in the eighties. Neil had at the dawn of the nineties managed to stay relevant and would become a large influence of a generation of disenfranchised youth who were jaded and angry. The eighties excesses had left generation X with nothing. unemployment was up and the music scene was down. Hair metal had been the last great fad and it had shown what the 1980’s music scene had become. Big hair, spandex, songs about nothing showed that music like this no longer had any meaning.
In the midst of that, along comes "Rockin' in the Free World" and the birth of the grunge and alternative scene. Almost suddenly the world was once again alive with young bands recording live on vintage equipment, sporting long hair, flannel shirts and ripped jeans. Neil had been doing this look since the early 70’s (mcdonough, 649). Very few grunge acts would show the poetic and emotional styling that Neil has had on almost every one of his albums. Also truly poetic acts that were heir to Neil Young’s political leanings in song like L7 and Fugazi were often ignored by most of the buying public. Instead the public would choose to conform and buy albums by heavily hyped acts of grunge such as Pearl Jam, Temple of the Dog, and Nirvana. Sonically and musically some for these bands had little more to do with Neil’s influence than aping Neil’s loud guitar and distortion sound. Neil would have a bigger influence on grunge than he would expect however. As Kurt Kobian would reference the words from “Hey, hey, my, my” in his suicide note. “The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it. I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember that it’s better to burn out than fade away” (McDonough, 696).
There is an irony that Neil young would have a rebirth in the 1990’s, just as nirvana would explode commercially and then Kurt would implode personally. Kurt Cobain would never realize he could have done anything he wanted to do with music and instead chose the cowards way out. While Neil Young who is a man of many more trials and tribulations and has experienced more heartbreak and problems in his life than Kurt would continue to be making music long after Kobain was gone. He would make albums both poetic and politically charged well into the year 2000.
His 90’s releases include “Harvest Moon”, “Sleeps With Angels”, “mirror ball”, and “unplugged.” Just to name a few. These albums among others including “Freedom” would return Neil to Legendary status. The fact remains that if Neil hadn’t went on somewhat of a musical journey off the tracks and his musical exploration of himself in the 80’s that Neil may not have been as relevant as he was come the beginning of the Nineties. He may not have had the relevance that he still can command today if it were not for his musical exploration of himself between 1980-1989.



Works cited.
McDonough, Jimmy “Shakey: Neil Young’s biography”
Random house Canada, 2002,
McDonough, Jimmy “Neil Young Interview
Fucking Up With Neil Young: Too Far Gone, Pt#2”
Village Voice Rock & Roll Quarterly, Winter 1989

Thompson, Ben “Neil Young: Out Of The Black”
http://www.thrasherswheat.org/tfa/outofblack_thompson.htm